2013 Word of the Year

There are a lot of posts on various blogs this time of year that focus on the "word" for the coming year in the poster's life. The idea is to pick a word to inspire you or create intention in your life. The word that keeps coming to my mind is "LOSS." It seems a strange pick, doesn't it? "Loss" has such a negative connotation, but losing something doesn't really have to be a negative. 

There are two big reasons I picked this word. (1) It's my goal to really, actually lose all the weight this year that I've gained over the past few years (or more) and (2) Sabre is leaving home.

As for the weight goal: that's going to be a hard journey, but self-explanatory from the word of the year perspective.

Sabre leaving really is a loss for me, although one that is bittersweet. I left home when I was pregnant with her, so my entire adult life out on my own has revolved around caring for her and putting her needs first. I am hardly the type of mother that relies on her child for fulfillment, but the fact that I will no longer have to consider things like her school schedule when I plan vacations, her visits to her dad's house, her medications and medical check-ups, or something as simple as buying food for her to take for lunch will be hard to get used to for a while. And she will be an equal with me in the eyes of the law--that may be the most upsetting thought for me. On the one hand, it's a relief that I will not be legally responsible for paying for any mistakes she may make, but on the other, it is unsetlling that I can't shield her and pay for the mistakes she makes. And of course I will miss her chats. And her willingness to help around the house without complaint if not cheerfully. But I have been preparing her for this year for many years before this one. It's time to throw the bird into the sky and see if it's wings hold and that's exciting!

Something nagging at the back of my head says those two reasons aren't the only ones that will make this the year of loss. I feel like I will lose something big this year--something I will never get back--something unexpected--something that will change my life as I know it forever. So for that moment I want to tell myself to remember the word loss. To lose something, by necessity, means that you had it. Whatever attendant lessons, joy, and memories that came with that possession still live inside you. Be grateful.  Loss means you had opportunity. Loss hurts, but the world hates vaccuums--something else will get sucked into that empty space. Don't fear loss and definitely don't let the fear of loss govern your choices. Live now in such away as to take away the sting of the loss when you remember today.

**UPDATE**
Talk about premonition! I do not usually talk about work on here ever, but this is too fitting to pass up commenting on.  So the day after I wrote this, the judge in the week long trial I first-chaired in June handed down her order (which wasn't expected for quite some time yet). And I L-O-S-T. Seriously lost. Like she beat us with rule book, then burned it on top of us, and then peed on us to put out the flames. That bad. And it was certainly unexpected. 

And strangely, although all the litigation partners all stopped by my office to offer their condolences and support--such as "we are like oncologists--sometimes you can save a patient and sometimes you can't and it has nothing to do with your skill" or "you're a good litigator, she just did not like the client" and don't take it personally, you are only the messenger"--what helped me the most was reading this post again--reading the words I had written to myself before I had any idea what type of losses were in store for me this year.

Now, I don't think I'm off the hook for the year, or even that that loss was the big one I anticipate. But it makes me feel better that when it does happen, I know how to comfort myself. And that thought alone is comforting. And I am grateful.